Proverbs 18:22

The one who finds a wife finds what is enjoyable,
and receives a pleasurable gift from the Lord.

A wife is a good thing. For some reason, it seems like marriage and being committed to someone for life within the “holy matrimony” of marriage has become taboo. Sure there are still billions of dollars being spent on weddings, but how many marriages come out of them?

It seems that the foundation on which marriage stands has crumbled over the past few decades. And now marriage has become more of an exception than a rule. And marriages that last any length of time, especially among those born in the last 40 years, are hard to come by. I know lots of people, a little older and younger than me who have been married and divorced. Some who have been married and divorced again.

I also know many who have just decided to give up on marriage all together because it never worked for their parents or their friends parents so they don’t even want to give it a try. So they don’t, and they go years and years living with someone instead of ever committing to them in marriage.

I think part of what has happened is the fairy tale marriage that we thought we would get when we got married. Many believed that they would get married and live “happily ever after.” As though, once they said I do, the happily ever after fairy would sprinkle happily ever after dust on them, and they’d start their journey off into the sunset where all happiness goes.

What we don’t realize is that true “happily ever after” is forged in the fire of daily commitment. Those of us who have had grandparents who have been “happily” married for 50+ years know that they didn’t wave a wand and get to their golden anniversary. They got their by being there every day. They got to 50 years by being involved in their marriage every day of the previous 49 years and 365 days.

I will grant you, as I’m sure many of you are thinking, that marriage has been under attack by society. And while I have many thoughts on that, they are words of minimal ROI. They won’t get us anywhere. The reason they won’t get us anywhere is because the words that need to be shared aren’t words that point blame at all the people who have attacked marriage. The words that need to be shared are the words that will encourage us to fight for our own marriages. Being distracted with what the outside world thinks about marriage won’t make your marriage any better or any worse. Only you can do that.

So, if you are getting married, go for it. I enjoy my wife. And wouldn’t trade her for anything. She is amazing. I have found a rare gift. I have found rubies. She is my reward, she is my sunset. But she is MY sunset. Not in the sense that you can’t have here (because you can’t), but in the sense that she is the sunset for me. She is not the sunset for you, just as I am not the sunset for any other woman.

We know that, not because we were sprinkled with happily ever after dust, but because we made a commitment to be all in on our marriage every day. Some days I fail at that. If you want the sunset, find someone who will go all in with you. You will fail too, and so will your spouse. But, you are the one with the ability to get your happily ever after. There is no outside force that can keep that from you or force you into something that will ruin it. It’s not on your parents to give you a good marriage, it’s on you. It’s not on society to give you a good marriage, it’s on you. It’s not on the government to give you a good marriage, it’s on you. It’s not even on your spouse to give you a good marriage, it’s on you. Yes you must do it together, and you must both be committed, but it’s on you to commit.

Happily ever after dust is found in your day to day commitment. Be all in every day, and you’ll be all in 50 years from now.